The role that relationships play in our brains and our mental health is widely known. The
brain is a social organ built upon interpersonal neurobiology. Understanding that while
autonomy and individuality is cherished, we live in constant relationship with others.
Other people play a large and important role in regulating our social and emotional
behavior. Cozolino (2017) has said that the “individual self” may be nothing more than
an evolutionary strategy to help us connect with each other.
We are wired as social creatures and research has long supported this idea. The risk of
social isolation is linked to increased mortality, elevated susceptibility to illness,
cardiovascular disease, and cognitive decline. Both positive and negative social
interactions affect our emotional and physical health, and this has great implications in
the counseling room with families.
Therapists can make connections for our families about how our brain structures and
neural systems work, specifically how they work in supportive families versus what
happens in families that are struggling interpersonally. Family functioning matters! The
correlation between family relationships and brain activity is well established.
Negative social cues in families that might include verbal attacks, menacing glares,
criticism, and other types of painful social interactions often set off increased heart rates,
quickened breath, and agitation. The brain is perceiving these negative cues as
unwelcome stressors and is triggering the body’s sympathetic nervous system. Rather
than relaxing and enjoying time with family members, you want to escape/run or fight or
you feel a general sense of unease. Often, you stop thinking clearly. You may shut down
emotionally and feel numb. Your body is behaving as though you are in real danger.
When positive social cues are provided in families, the body reacts quite differently. We
respond to smiles, warm eye contact, kind vocal tones, and non-threatening ways in
others by relaxing. Here is where we feel calm and a sense of comfort. The body cues the
parasympathetic nervous system to ease us into what it perceives is safe, and where we
can experience connection.
Exploring present family interactions and transgenerational interactions can offer families
a wider lens in which to choose the types of family interactions you want to foster.
Challenges for families might be addressed by counselors in terms of how time and
patience is needed to slow down responses to negative cues, after a long history of default
functioning. Fostering family members’ understanding, compassion, and support for one
another on the road to change is an important part of beginning to regulate the individual
brain.
Thank you for reading!